le *sigh..

I found the word "douveille" and I'd like to adopt it..
Maybe adding it to 'Minerva' as a nickname..
But I have quite a few now, through the years..

Motivating myself to do something isn't working very well.
I'm supposed to be going through KTM's voicemails.. BUT NO FREAKING WAY!
They keep coming, and there doesn't seem to be stopping them, or rewards in it..
So.. he gets scheduled..and he keeps working..aaandd..he really really wants someone to just take him, and use him, and let him run wild (at the end of a leash, no less!)..

Does this add to me not wanting children? I'm too busy taking care of others..
but not really.. how taken care of does he really feel?
I'm not sure he has real feelings?..hmm.. maybe I am, and I'm just saying that out of some odd part of me who wishes to discount his reality.

I'm upset at him..and feel weird expectations..
Let's use this morning as an example. I woke up..thought about how I'd have time today to do the voicemails, and even how I thought that I could do them, even!

Then.. he gets up.. and then he starts in *BLEEPING loser, can't even put money in a wallet!! BLEEEEEEEP BLEEP* I asked him to stop (not very kindly), and he did stop.
Then a couple minutes later, I'm assuming he checked something online.. because he says *I can't do anything with these STALLS BLEEPES*  And then goes outside to smoke.

So..he didn't make me do anything..he didn't actually blame me for anything..and my motivation for the voicemails draaaaaainnns away. And I start thinking about how my account is overdrawn, and I've been spending too much money, and he wants me to pay for stuff and doesn't give me any money for it (so I haven't been paying for it)..  *sigh

..this is what I'm supposed to be changing?
How come it doesn't seem as simple as taking what #s you have as income and comparing them to the #s you have as bills, and cutting out misc stuff until they cover each other..

MEH  ¶ 12:46 PM