So.. I just got through with reading the first few months of when I had this blog.
God, I'm such a loser. =oP I'm pretty much in the same mental head-space that I was in 2-3 years ago. Stupid ass. Yeah. Even with the insulting myself.
Only now.. I've spent over a year living away from home. Had a job for close to two years.. and *still* haven't done a damn thing with my life. And I'm moving back into my mom's. Jesus H. (What's the 'H' stand for?)
Jason and I have established that we no longer have a 'serious' relationship. That we're just 'dating.' I am dropping the ball when it comes to being the second half of a relationship. I have not moved on in the 3 years that we've been together.
I mean.. even right now.. He's over at the computer, doing whatever with photos, and I'm across the room.. typing in my own world. Cute. Fucking cute. Then, all I want to do to communicate is write an email or something..
And that doesn't please him. Because he'd rather talk. And I understand that. Makes logical sense. But do I have the guts or whatever the hell? No..
I was thinking all yesterday that I feel like my dad.
My dad never talked about anything. My mom would talk and talk and nag and complain, and he would just sit there. And what happens now in my life? Jason tells me how he feels and I just sit there. =oP
Greeeaaatt.. I guess I have time on my side, being young? Sure.. but how do you solve this? How do you go from not being able to speak, not knowing what to say, etc etc to actually talking? Noooo fucking clue. If you have any ideas. Please, do tell!
Comment. Email. Something. =oP
I need all the help I can get.
I really just feel like an asshole. Jason is one of the best, most awesome-est people I have *ever* met. And here I am. Lucky bastard to be in his presence, to be cared for by him, and I drop the fucking ball.
Fuck. Loooosseerrr aaassss pathetic. ugh. I just need stfu.
He says I should stop being so pathetic. I always appear just.. pathetic. Sad and beaten. Cynical and pessimistic. That's me! *Sigh* Bleh!! Meh, I tell you!!

<3  ¶ 1:00 AM